While waiting in line to cross the border into Canada-
Rae: Wow! Look at all these bastards trying to get into Canada. I didn't think there would be so many people in front of us.
Cody: Yeah. And they all have Canada license plates. I'm surprised this many people wanted to leave their country to get into the US in the first place.
Rae: Right?.......I wonder what they'll ask us. Do you think they'll search the car?
Cody: I dunno, but maybe you should put away the flask of whiskey before we get up there. I don't think we'll make any friends trying to get into Canada wasted.
Rae: I'm NOT wasted. I just had a few nips. But you're right. I'll stash the flask..... What if they ask us to come into the interrogation room or something?
Cody: I dunno, maybe they will. Do they even have an interrogation room?
Rae: I have this overwhelming urge to do something awkward when we get up there. Like ask him if my hair smells good. Should I ask him to smell my hair? OR I could roll down my window and ask that car right there if they'll take one of our bags in for us. As a joke. That would be hilarious.
Cody: Us not getting into the country wouldn't be that hilarious. It's like you don't want us to get in.
Rae: They could ask us anything up there. I'm so nervous! This is a lot of goddamn pressure! What if he grills us? What if we crack under the pressure?
Cody: We're going fishing. We're not hauling drugs across the border.
Rae: They don't know that. What if they don't let us in? What if they're just like, "You can't come in. Go away!"? If it was me, I probably wouldn't let me in.
Cody: I wouldn't let you in either.
Rae: What if I say something dumb?
Cody: Don't say anything dumb.
Rae: What if it just slips out? Sometimes awkward stuff just flies out of my mouth.
Cody: Maybe don't talk when we get up there. You'll probably say something dumb._________________________________________________________
Upon arriving at our hotel in Tsawwassen, BC-
Cody: Babe! Check it out! There are palm trees in front of our hotel!
Rae: Yep. Neat.....
Cody: Are those real palm trees? They've gotta be fake, right?
Rae: They look pretty real to me. I don't think they would put up fake palm trees.
Cody: Don't you think it's weird that there are palm trees up here?
Rae: I guess........
_______________________________________________Later, at the hotel restaurant-
Cody: It's just so weird that there are palm trees here.
Rae: Why is that so weird?
Cody: You don't find that interesting at all? Palm trees in Canada? They can't possibly be native. Why would they even plant palm trees in British Columbia?Rae: I dunno.....maybe they found some really hearty species of palm tree that will grow well in this climate and they look pretty neat, so they planted them.
Cody: Why aren't there any between here and California? You drive all the way down to California, I bet you don't see any palm trees between here and there. There aren't palm trees in Oregon or Washington.
Rae: There are! Remember that hotel in Seattle? It had palm trees in it.
Cody: That was INDOORS. There aren't any OUTDOORS, though.
Rae: There probably are! They're probably everywhere. They would probably grow in Boise if anyone bothered to plant them there. Boise is sort of desert-y, right?
Cody: No way. It's too cold in the winter.
Rae: Well, it gets really cold during the night in the desert. Maybe palm trees like the cold.
Cody: No. That's not right. Palm trees don't grow in the desert. They grow in the tropics. In warm places.
Rae: They grow in those little lush spots in the desert. You know.....oasis? Oases? Oasises? What is the plural of oasis? Anyway, they grow in those. Wait, maybe those only happen in cartoons.
Cody: Palm trees need warm weather. They wouldn't grow in Boise. I can't believe they grow here. That's just weird.
Rae: Maybe. I dunno........What are you ordering?
Cody: I can't believe you're not fascinated by this.
Rae: Babe! I saw the palm trees. I thought 'hmm...palm trees....neat'. Then I thought about other stuff. Like whether or not the hotel has a bar. I didn't dwell on it too much. It's just a palm tree.
Cody: A palm tree in CANADA!_______________________________________________
Later on during the meal-
Cody: Is it just me, or are Canadians friendlier than normal people?
Rae (laugh-choking on a martini): NORMAL people? Ha! So, what, Canadians aren't normal people? Hee hee!
Cody: That's NOT what I mean......you make me sound like a backwoods hillbilly or something. I didn't mean normal, I meant Americans. They sound different than Americans.
Rae: So only Americans are normal? I would beg to differ. We're Americans and we're really weird.
Cody. Don't make this conversation a blog. You'll make me sound ignorant.
Rae: I'm making this conversation a blog.
Cody: Well, if you must blog it, just clarify that I think WE are the weird ones, not them......no WAIT! That's not what i mean either........_______________________________________________
Even later on, at the hotel bar-
Cody: All the way up here, all three days of the drive, did we see one palm tree?
Rae: No, honey, we didn't.
Cody: No, we didn't. Then we get to British Columbia, Canada, and there's a whole damn orchard of palm trees in front of our hotel. Right here in Tsawwassen. Are there lemon trees around here too? Is there a pineapple orchard a few blocks over?
Rae: No, honey. I don't think there is.
________________________________________________The next day-
Cody: Have you noticed that Canadians talk slightly differently than normal people? I definitely notice the accent, eh?
Rae: Not really. I mean, a little I guess. But not a lot. It's not that noticeable.
Cody: I wonder if they think we sound like total hicks.
Rae: Probably.
________________________________________________
In a deli in Campbell River-
Later on-
Cody: I've thought about the palm trees some more. I think the hotel must have planted them and I figure they must cover them somehow with something in the winter so they don't freeze.
Rae: Like what, plastic wrap?
Cody: I don't know, but something. Otherwise how could palm trees be growing this far north? I've never seen palm trees further north than San Francisco. They must be covering them in the winter.
Rae: What, like they put a giant lid on them? Or a big knitted sock? Like a tea cozy?
Cody: Maybe......
_________________________________________________ Rae: I just ordered a pound of lunchmeat and the lady behind the counter is making fun of me now. I didn't even think about them not using pounds for measuring up here. I didn't know how much to order in Canadian measurements. I feel like a tard now.....
Cody: It's the metric system. It's not a big deal babe, you got what you wanted, right?
Rae: How was I supposed to know how many grams of meat I want? What am I, a freaking mathematician? You would think they get people up here from the US all the time. I don't think asking for a pound instead of however many grams would be that big a deal.
Cody: You're just making a big deal of it. They weren't making fun of you.
Rae: Yes they were! After I started to walk away, she went over to her co-worker and they both looked at me and she said something and then they laughed in my general direction.
Cody: Who cares? Don't blow it out of proportion. Let's get going.
Rae: I'm just saying.......They don't have to act all high and mighty because they use the metric system. It's not my fault that Americans are all dumb because our ancestors decided not to use the stupid metric system. What's so great about the metric system anyways?
Cody: Actually, the metric system is more logical and universally understood.
Rae: Whoop-dee-freaking-doo. I happen to like pounds and ounces. It makes more sense.
Cody: Not really. And it only makes sense because you grew up learning it. It's actually sort of ridiculous to use cups and teaspoons and tablespoons and pounds. They don't convert smoothly at all.Rae: Well I don't like being laughed at by people whose currency is called a loony. And who's the dope now? I asked for a pound and she gave me like three tiny slices. This is like a quarter of a pound at best.......
_________________________________________________
Shortly before crossing the border back into America-
Rae: Canada was ok, I guess, but it's not that different from America.
Cody: It's a little different.
Rae: I know. Different but sort of the same. Like, if you got dropped there, you wouldn't think you were in a different country at first, but then you'd figure it out because stuff is weird here. It's like Bizarro America. Like, why do they only have sweetened iced tea here? The whole trip I'm looking for plain tea and it's nowhere.
Cody: I'm sure they have plain tea somewhere.
Rae: No, I looked everywhere. I haven't had good tea since we left the US.
Cody: Their McDonalds are really nice.......
Rae: Yeah. But no plain iced tea. Like I wanna drink sweet tea? That's just gross. YOU drink it and see how gross it is.
Cody: It's not that bad.
Rae: It's disgusting.
Cody: Overall, it was nice, but with some major issues. Like having to go to liquor stores just to get beer.
Rae: Right?! Or the beer being hellishly expensive?
Cody: Totally ridiculous. Or not being able to get dry ice? Why the dry ice embargo?
Rae: How the hell are we supposed to freeze all the fish we didn't catch if we can't get dry ice?
Cody: Ha!
Rae: I wonder if there will be a big line at the border crossing......
Cody: Probably. Everyone's trying to get into America to buy cheap beer and dry ice.
Rae: And decent iced tea.
