Sunday, March 3, 2013

Raccoon Love

As most of you know, I love animals.  I mean, I LOVE them.  I am happy to come over to any of your houses and play with your dog, cat, rat, hamster, rabbit, horse, cow, goat, or anything else covered with fur.  I don't care for the non-fur variety, so I will not be coming over to snuggle with your snake, spider, or lizard.  Salamanders are ok, I guess.  I sorta like iguanas.  But that's it. Nothing gives me joy like a cuddle with an animal. In fact, right this second, this is in my lap.....


She proofreads my posts and gives me kitty kisses.




In addition to having three of my own cats, I could name a large list of other animal friends of mine that belong to friends and family.  I love animals so much that instead of utilizing my hard-earned degree in Social Work (which I loathe), I work as a part-time professional pet sitter, where I make absolutely zero money, but I don't care because I get to hang out with animals all day long.  As I get older, I inch closer and closer to becoming one of those weirdo animal people.  I've thought about it and I'm good with it.

Because I love animals so much, I put food out on my back patio for the myriad of homeless cats who live in my neighborhood.  The other day I heard my cats throwing hissy fits and I looked out and saw my three new pets......




They were munching down on some cat kibble I put out in the backyard. 



It was love at first sight.  Look at these faces.  These cute little paws.  These poofy stripey tails.  I just wanna pick them up and squeeze their pudgy furry little guts out.
This one only has one eye, so I named him Uno.  




I immediately texted my sisters the pictures of my new pets and Mikenna (the sensible sister) informed me that I do not have to "feed every animal I come across."  And I informed her that I "did not ask for her opinion".  My other sister, Jimi, and I had the following actual conversation regarding my new chubby little friends.

Jimi:  Oh my god!  Eew!  Creepy!
Me:  I'm in love with them.
Jimi:  They will kill your cats!  Those things are huge!
Me:  I know.  But our cats never go out.
Jimi:  I guess they're kinda cute.  Are there just those two?
Me:  Three!  One only has one eye.  His name is Uno.
Jimi:  What?!  Like, it got in a fight and got it taken out?
Me:  I dunno.  He didn't say.
Jimi:  You had a conversation with them?
Me:  No.  I was too shy.  You don't just interrupt someone when they're eating.  Plus, he might be sensitive about having only one eye and I don't wanna make him feel bad about himself.
Jimi:  And that might be moving too fast, I mean you just barely met.  You gotta give it a few days before you take it to the next level.
Me:  I'm gonna sew him an eye patch.
Jimi:  As a token of your gratitude?
Me:  As a peace offering.
Jimi:  Oh ok.  And he likes cat food?
Me:  Yes, quite a bit.


Now, before everyone leaves me comments about how mangy and mean and rabid raccoons are, I am well aware that they would tear off my face and devour my cats.  I will not ACTUALLY be trying to pick them up and squeeze their pudgy furry little guts out.  But I WILL continue to put food out for whatever hungry animals happen to come by and want some noms.

However, if you do hear of my demise within the next few weeks, it probably went something like this:






Unless.........
He accepts my peace offering.